Going along
with my ‘what I’m watching’ theme, I recently watched an excellent documentary
called Bridegroom. While watching, I experienced a range of emotions. It was endearing,
joyful and full of life but at the same time, heart-wrenching, sad and
frustrating.
The story
centers Shane and Tom, two twenty-something guys in a committed six-year relationship.
To say they were in love is an understatement.
They epitomized love. Their relationship was the envy of their friends
and they really adored one another. They lived in LA and worked in the
entertainment industry. Together, they
owned a home, a business and a dog. They travelled the work and dreamed of having
a family and building a legacy together. Tom had an even given Shane a promise
ring. But life wasn’t a bed of roses. While
Shane’s family accepted his sexuality and welcomed Tom into their lives, Tom’s
family denounced his sexuality and everything related to it, including Shane,
causing estrangement. This was not easy
for the couple but since they lived far away from their families, it wasn’t as
big an issue. Then tragedy struck; Tom
died in an accident. His mom visited
the home Tom and Shane shared, gathered the items she wanted, and then returned
to her home. She never called Shane
again, not even to tell him about the funeral arrangements. On his way to Tom’s hometown, determined to
pay his final respects, Shane received a call saying not only was he not
welcomed to the services, but if he showed up at the church, he would be
physically attacked. [Sidenote: Did I
mention the attack would’ve taken place at the church?? And who was the lucky
individual selected to make that call?] Friends who attended the funeral said the
way Tom’s life was presented, Shane was left out, and his entire life in LA was
disregarded. Shane was really hurt by this omission, as well as the funeral
snub, and even more hurt that he had no legal rights to anything in Tom’s life
in his death. Advocating for equal
rights, Shane maintains 'It Could Happen to You.’
To me, the
most prominent theme in the documentary is acceptance. Let’s think about it. This
issue is not limited to sexuality, so I also say ‘It Could Happen to You.’ We are constantly interacting with people who
don’t truly accept us, making our loved ones all the more needed and our
relationships treasured. But what about when the person who should always accept
you doesn’t? I don’t have an answer for
that.
I just cannot
understand how you can say you love someone, yet not accept them, the whole of
them. We are all multi-dimensional and
every nuance of our being makes us who we are. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement;
it simply means I love you, flaws and all. It means our love for each other is
greater than any differences we may have. Acceptance means despite the
challenges of life, the support we offer each other makes us know we can
overcome.
It’s very
important to me that I accept my loved ones for who they are, no matter
what. I hope it’s also important to you!
You may be
able to catch Bridegroom on OWN; check your local listings. You can also check out Shane’s video, ‘It Could Happen to You’ on
YouTube. The video was the
inspiration for the documentary.
Xoxo,
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